@wfenza - Good parenting is fundamentally about having good

Good parenting is fundamentally about having good boundaries. You have to love your kids, but that's the easy part. Too many people fall into the helicopter/ bulldozer/ tiger/ servant style of parenting because they aren't able to set boundaries with their children, probably because they never learned to set boundaries with anyone. They think that their personal preferences are so fundamentally less important than their child(ren)'s that it would be despicable and selfish to ever put themselves first. It's tragic because boundary-setting is one of the most important skills a person can have, and one of the easiest ways to learn is to see that modeled by a parent. Children respond really well to boundaries! When I tell my 4yo that I don't want to get her a snack right now because I'm relaxing on the couch and I don't want to get up, she shrugs and moves on. When I tell her she can help stir the soup, but she can't help add the flour because I want to make sure the right amount gets added, she gets it. When I say I can't play with her because I'm working, she goes and entertains herself for a while. The key is that I make it clear that the obstacle is me and my preferences or interests. She understands that and doesn't then try to find a way around whatever bullshit excuse I gave her. Many parents (including mine, often) fall into the failure mode of trying to spin their preferences as for the benefit of the child. Nothing was more enraging to me as a child (or as an adult tbh) than being told I'm being controlled for my own good. Sometimes it's true and it's ok to say that, but often parents are expressing their own preferences and pretending it's altruistic. Kids can tell when you're doing that. You're not as clever as you think.